The God of Intention

As I prepare for my journey across the pond (and by pond I mean the Atlantic Ocean) I find packing my room to be both tedious and fascinating. It is really only tedious because every ten minutes I stop to read an old receipt, reminisce about friends while holding old movie ticket stubs, or try to figure out why I kept that ugly bag/box/retainer case. (Just kidding on the retainer case.)

As I cleaned out my bookshelves (three down, one to go), I came across a journal I kept during high school. It was extremely sporadic, maybe ten entries within two years. The journal spanned my junior and senior years of high school.

Now maybe it was just me, but as a Christian kid, and a pastor’s kid, and a Pentecostal kid on top of that, choosing a college and career path was up there with trying to decide what color pill to take or deciding whether the DeLorean was going to take us to actual 1985 or alternate universe 1985. Hearing countless camp and youth convention speakers preach about the will of God became scary. I was filled with fear that if I chose the wrong career path or college, the entire course of my life would be altered. God’s will was something hidden, secretive, and threatening. If you missed it, God’s favor would not be on your life, nor would you ever achieve anything. At all.

This fear of teetering on the edge of being a lost cause continued throughout my early 20s. I constantly battled with what I was supposed to be doing, where and when I was supposed to be doing it. I began to get incredible opportunities to write music and record it, but all the while I had an ingrained fear that I wasn’t where I was supposed to be.

Back to the journal. I found an entry dated March of my senior year of high school. In the entry, I was basically asking God for guidance on deliberating between two majors – worship leading and missions studies. As I read this entry that I had completely forgotten years ago, I was completely overwhelmed.

You see, I have always believed that God is intentional on every level. I believe with every part of my being that everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING in our lives is planned out by God. Good, bad, ho-hum days, everything. Looking back to 8 (holy crap) years ago and seeing that these two things were what I wanted to do with my life. And now, after all this time, I am preparing to live them out.

I didn’t end up going to school for missions studies OR worship leading. I learned about leading worship from some of the most incredibly talented and patient people I have ever known. I ended up getting my degree in Secondary English Education. I am proud of that, but I am simply blown away by how completely intentional God is.

It amazes me that an 18 year old girl who simply wanted to please God with her life found these two things, worship and missions, to be in line with what she wanted to do with her life. Now, as a 26 year old, I find that these two things still make my heart race a bit.

So be encouraged. The dreams that God is putting in your heart, while they may seem distant, ridiculous, or irrelevant, are working together towards an incredible story. The desire to please God, to live a life that honors Him, and the willingness to do the work are enough. Rest in the fact that God always knows what He is doing and has a perfect plan beyond your wildest dreams.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

The Gift of Itineration

I hear it all the time. I can’t blame people. It was my reason for hesitation as well, the one thing that almost stopped me from going.

Itinerating.

No matter what field you work in, whatever it is you are gifted to do, it costs money to live. Few vocations require you to cast your vision to people and ask them to financially support you. Believe in what I’m doing? Great. Now will you pay me to go do it?

It is surely humbling and certainly intimidating. Visiting other churches, calling pastors and individuals, mentally running numbers constantly. It can seem a daunting task.

However, I am continually reminded that it is an incredible blessing to itinerate. Every time I feel awkward or intimidated, God gently reminds me that I am called to this and He goes before me. The life stories and experiences God is bringing together to build His Church are fascinating, amazing, and a lot of other adjectives I am too overwhelmed to try to think of.

And then I have days like Sunday where he reminds me not so gently, but that’s another story. (If you like sleepy Sunday mornings, don’t visit Cross Tabernacle in Terre Haute. Seriously.) You never know what to expect when visiting a church, but I will simply say that I left church on Sunday much more poured into than I ever could have poured out.

It is nothing less than an honor and a privilege to itinerate. It is an absolute hysterical blast to meet pastors and share a vision. Experiencing different church cultures is overwhelming; redemption is beautiful regardless of the venue in which it is shared.

I am so very lucky.

Where The Wild Things Are

Friday night I treated myself to a rare privilege – a movie with the girl I have mentored for almost four years now. Trisha and I have had a rocky relationship at times, but she is my “Timothy,” that is, she is the person God brought into my heart to teach me new things about his love for me, and what holiness is. I could go on and on, but I digress.

Before going to see the movie, I had heard some mixed reviews so I was wary. From the first scene, I was mesmerized by the lighting, the cinematography, the story, and the casting. More than anything else, I was awed by the fact that this movie was told from a child’s perspective. Rather than presenting me with a statement on childhood or an empathy for the child’s mother, this movie took me inside Max’s head. A scared, angry, very hurt little boy with no knowledge on how to deal with his feelings.

The world Max creates in his imagination is an incredible one. The ownership he takes is astounding. Rather than compressing his anger, he runs away from his mother, and sails off to a beautiful land filled with imagination and creativity. Watching this movie, I couldn’t help but be jealous. What is it that happens to us in those middle and high school years? As children we are happy to make up games and play them until we are covered with mosquito bites. We don’t care if anyone thinks the game is dumb or a waste of time. As long as we have a friend to play it with us, it is worthwhile. Then, as we become older, we become intensely conscious of what other people think. We no longer tell people when we don’t like them. Our emotions become buried, whether wildly happy or very angry.

Watching this movie, I was struck by the fact that Max and the monsters freely told one another when they were angry. When they were mad at each other, they skulked off or fought. When they were happy, they danced. As adults, we try so hard to fit in with society and be acceptable that we often lose our passion.

How does this all play in to the calling God has for your life? I don’t know. For me, I feel like God is teaching me that it is ok to be ridiculously passionate. As I prepare to head to Paris, this movie is standing out to me as a shining example of imagination. I will certainly be putting this in my pocket as one to return to when I am feeling a little too grown up.

Anyone Can Send

This is me and my buddy Julia Christmas 07. We go on a “Christmas Date” every year and sometimes a couple others during the year as well. Julia is 9 years old and we have been going on our dates since before she was in Kindergarten.

Julia’s parents are the junior high youth pastors at my church. They are incredible parents, and they are raising their children to see the big picture as far as what Christ’s love means.

Today I took Julia out for out 2008 Christmas date. We went to Starbucks for some hot chocolate and then to get pedicures. After our pedicures were done, we exchanged gifts. I got her a bag full of girly goodies, including lip gloss, nail polish, etc. She handed me an envelope decorated with blue foam snowflakes and a blue bow.

I opened the envelope expecting to see a gift card (purchased by her mother, no doubt), but curiously pulled out a folded piece of paper. My heart just about skipped a beat as I recognized what it was. It was a Missionary Associate support form.

Julia, by her own idea and in her own handwriting, had taken captive the support form I had sent to her parents. She wrote in all of the necessary information and pledged five dollars a month. She quickly informed me that she hoped to be able to give eight dollars a month, but five was what she was promising. I was pretty blown away, and she informed me that when she found out I was moving to Paris, she instantly decided she wanted to be a part of it.

Last night, I was watching Ratatouille with a couple boys I was babysitting. The main idea to the movie is “Anyone can cook.” This theme recurs throughout the movie, the main chef consistently reiterating that anyone, in fact, can cook. And should.

Today as I opened that envelope, that was the thought that crossed my mind. Anyone can send. You don’t have to make six figures, you don’t have to be on top of the economic food chain, and you don’t even have to give hundreds of dollars a month. All you have to do is be excited about the spread of the gospel.

When Julia gave me the envelope, she kept repeating, “You’re my first missionary! You’re the first missionary I’ve supported!” It thrilled me to see her so excited to give, not out of obligation but out of joy at being part of the spread of the gospel.

Julia is now a part of my monthly support base, and has challenged me beyond description.

Disproving Faith

Today in my education class, my professor shared an interesting insight with us. Before becoming a school of ed professor, he was a middle school social studies teacher (among other things). Today we got into a limited discussion on teaching sensitive curriculum, such as the evolution vs creationism theory.

He shared with us a story of a time that he allowed his middle school students to debate the issue, asking them, “Do you really want to prove that God exists?” A couple of students got quite bothered by this comment, but my professor stuck an important amendment on to the end of it.

“If we can prove God, we disprove faith. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but faith is an important aspect of the Christian religion.”

My mind quickly sought to make sense of this statement. At first I was offended, but I quickly realized that the insight he was sharing went much deeper than I initially had grasped.

I think, as Christians, we often seek to prove our beliefs. We somewhat panic when our beliefs are questioned, scared to death that we might not be able to back up with factual knowledge the things we so deeply believe.

However, with his statement I am starting to question that. If I am able to point to tangible evidence that God exists, there is no need for faith. If God walked in my front door right now, I would be able to see Him, touch Him, take a picture with Him and put it up as my profile pic. Then I could point to it and say, “See? I told you He’s real.” The same thing goes for all aspects of faith. Believing that God orders our lives, believing that He speaks to us, believing that He created the universe, the list could go on forever. But the fact of the matter is, God doesn’t give us tangible things to hold that He is with us. That is where faith comes in.

Faith is harder to have than tangible proof, but there is something about it that is deeper. I think it is somewhat of a life changing theory for me…especially in the field of education, there is always pressure to prove where you are coming from. I think that there are evidences of our faith in Christ, and I have seen tangible evidence that God exists, and I will save those stories for another day.

I think it is of paramount importance that we remember that faith is a gift, and if God chose to, He could reveal himself tangibly to all humanity. But the gift of faith is one that He allows us, allows us to stretch the bounds of our imagination to think of what He must look like, sound like. He allows us to use our creativity to express His revelations to us in countless ways. And faith allows us to have free will in whether or not we choose to believe in Him.

That is a pretty big God, if you ask me. I haven’t sorted all this out, but it is definitely an interesting concept.

Pre-Field Orientation

I am sitting in the lobby of the Comfort Inn in Springfield, Missouri after completing three days of my pre-field orientation. Two left to go. Sit through session after session about visas, travel clearances, international insurance, and taxes. Exciting stuff huh.

The scary thing is… it does excite me. Even sitting in some of the very practical sessions, it has gotten clearer and clearer over the past few days that this thing is real…which is scary in some ways and mind blowingly exciting in other ways.

I have been privileged over the last week to be around a group of people who are in the same boat as me – preparing to turn their lives upside down to become a bondservant of Christ to people they have never met. And being excited about it. All of these people have a story of how God communicated to them that this was where their life was meant to head.

After this week, finishing school may be a challenge. I want to get on a plane as soon as I possibly can and force this dream to be birthed into a reality. I know that God’s timing is perfect, but at times during this week I have felt like my heart is about to beat out of my chest. Never before have I felt such complete confirmation that I am right in the middle of where God wants me to be. It is quite a feeling.

Keep your eyes open for more updates…I am getting more and more excited and ready for this with each passing day, and I want to reflect that the best I can, though words often fail!

Everlasting God

It has been a while since I posted. Apologies all around!

The last couple of months has been like a whirlwind for the U.S. With the presidential candidates battling for office, the media hunting for scandals to bring up, hurricanes demolishing homes and businesses, and now the stock market plummeting, things can begin to feel slightly out of control.

There is a song that has come out of New Life that we have been singing at church. Lyrics are as follows:

One thing I know that I have found
Through all the trouble that surrounds
You are the Rock that never fails, you never fail

One thing I know that I believe
Through every blessing I receive
You are the only one who stays, you always stay

You never change
You’re still the same
You are the everlasting God
You will remain
After the day is gone and things of earth have failed
Everlasting God.

What a comfort it is to know that we serve a God who never fails us. During these incredibly uncertain times when it seems that our country and our economy is being rocked, we can rest in the fact that God is who He says He is and that never changes. It is so unspeakably incredible to serve a God that is everlasting and unchanging. Wow.

So as you go about your day, listen for the media and people around to be worrying and fretting about our uncertain world. Because when they do, it will remind you of the opportunity that you have to rest while everyone else is distressed, and will remind you to praise the Everlasting God.

Chupacabras and The Will of God

I was at lunch with a friend the other day when we got into a heated discussion about the existence of Bigfoot, Chupacabras, and yes, even the Abominable Snowman. My friend tirelessly attempted to convince me that not only does plenty of evidence exist in support of the reality of these creatures, but it was silly of me to not believe in them. Granted, my friend seems to greatly enjoy playing devil’s advocate, but the interesting thing was that it really got me thinking. It seems beyond ridiculous to have a fear of something as stupid and impossible as one of these lame creatures that some nerdy kid probably made up to scare his little brother (because his little brother was the only person he can scare because he’s so nerdy…)
I am the proud mentor of some amazing teenage girls at my home church’s youth group. One of the most defining times that I walk through with them is their decision on what to do after high school. Whether to go to college, what college to go to, what major to pick, etc etc. I always feel a certain responsibility when I speak with students at this place in their life, because I remember the fear of not knowing exactly where I was supposed to be and being scared stiff that I was going to make the wrong decision and ruin God’s plan for me forever.
Since that time I have gone away to college, come back home to college, quit college to work full time, gone back to school, and am currently seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with actual plans after graduation, which is saying a lot. I think at some point the whole “the steps of a righteous man are ordered of God” thing finally sunk in. At some point I woke up to the fact that God’s will is not an unattainable scary thing. It is actually quite a freeing thing, and being able to make decisions and move freely within His will is part of the excitement of serving Him.
At the age of 18 I was completely afraid that moving 8 hours away from home could be the key to either my success or failure in life. Now, as I am seeing moving to another continent on the horizon, I am so completely comfortable with where I am, and so excited to give God a chance to make my life into something unbelievably amazing. I have learned that having that crippling fear of what the future holds and not picking the right door is just as silly as being afraid Bigfoot is going to attack you in the woods. You can stay in your bed and never move and hope Bigfoot isn’t real, or you can accept the fact that it’s dumb to be afraid of things that don’t exist. On the same vein, you can never do anything exciting or great or scary and be in fear of making a wrong move, or you can accept the fact that God is even bigger than our plans (and bigger than our mistakes) and he is directing us even when we don’t feel it.

(Perhaps the comparisons between chupacabras and the will of God don’t make sense in the world of logical thinking, but in the world of Kelly thinking it is very profound, and this is my blog, so it is the world of Kelly thinking.)

I’m Still Kickin’!

Just thought I would give everyone a heads up…

I googled myself (because it’s such fun, you should try it) and discovered that somewhere in the world a Kelly Delp died, and there seem to be a lot of news articles about this person.

And I just wanted everyone to know that this Kelly Delp did not die. So yeah. No surprises there.

Awareness and Creativity

I journeyed to the mall last night to find a dress and I ran across something so cool. There was a t-shirt at one of my favorite stores that said on the left side “AWARENESS & CREATIVITY TO BRING CHANGE” and on the right side said “PARIS” with a graphic of the Eiffel Tower. Ha. I was like wow…doesn’t that just say it all.

Stuff like that weirdly keeps happening.

I was also out to dinner with my mom a few weeks ago and the fortune in my fortune cookie said I needed to travel. (Ok that one’s a stretch. But seriously, it was a fortune cookie!)